


Five reasons not to adventure with the elf

by Fair_Feather_Friend



Category: Original Work
Genre: Elves, Greg can swear in a hundred different languages, M/M, Orcs, Swearing, bad language, five things, rated for bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22711861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fair_Feather_Friend/pseuds/Fair_Feather_Friend
Summary: The elf was about as stupid as he was hot, which was unfortunate, because he was really, really hot."Me Kendriel." He'd declared in the worst common Greg had ever heard, and Greg had taught common to orphans for three years before he'd fallen into this adventurer gig. To add insult to injury Kendriel had even thumped his own chest.
Relationships: Half Orc Adventurer/Elf Adventurer in the Same Party (OW), Half Orc/Elf
Comments: 31
Kudos: 52
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	Five reasons not to adventure with the elf

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WolffyLuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolffyLuna/gifts).



\- 1 -

The elf was about as stupid as he was hot, which was unfortunate, because he was really, really hot. 

"Me Kendriel." He'd declared in the worst common Greg had ever heard, and Greg had taught common to orphans for three years before he'd fallen into this adventurer gig. To add insult to injury Kendriel had even thumped his own chest. 

Greg grunted back in response and pushed past. It was too early to deal with this. The elf followed him. "What do you want?" Greg barked in West-Elven, which was a feat since West-Elven was typically not designed to be anything but beautiful. He then repeated himself in common. 

"Oh! You speak common, how wonderful, and Elvish too, I can see why Sarai thought we'd make a great team."

"Everyone speaks common."

"The other orcs I met didn't."

"They did, they just didn't want to speak to you."

The elf moved swiftly on from that topic. "I am Kendriel, and Sarai said that you are Grr'aar'ggh."

"Greg." Greg corrected. 

"Grerg," the elf tried again. 

This was going to be a long and awful mission.

\- 2 -

The Elf just would not stop singing. Even a simple delivery quest was turned into an entire song and dance routine. 

"Would you stop with the noise already," Greg grumbled. "You're tone deaf. You couldn't carry a tune in a bucket."

"I heard you liked music."

"That's not music, that's wailing. You don't need to sing about every little thing."

"Then speak to me. It's too quiet. Tell me about yourself."

"Ugh. Just concentrate on the quest."

\- 3 -

The elf walked straight into a bog and sank down to his knees. 

"What the hell," Greg yelled. 

"I was going to pick that flower."

Greg glanced at the glowing yellow bloom. "It's poisonous. Super poisonous." Probably. Glowing was rarely a good sign. 

"I just thought it was pretty. It matches your eyes."

Greg groaned. "Aren't you elves meant to be all woodsy and stuff."

"That's racist," the elf said. He'd picked that up from Greg. 

Greg pulled the elf out from the mud with a suctioned pop. The elf stared at the swamp bereft as his boots remained within.

"I'm not getting them." Greg said and quickly added. "You're not getting them either. Can you magic up some shoes?"

"I can't do magic."

Greg groaned. Of course he couldn't. He stared at the elf's feet, and then offered. "You can wear my spare socks."

\- 4 -

Somewhere, too near, a wolf howled, the sound echoing too loud. There was no answering cry.

It howled again, the slight waver in the howl prickling something of a memory, of something larger and more monstrous than the normal kind of wolf. 

Greg drew his axe. The elf continued on, oblivious. 

"Draw your sword."

"I don't have one."

"Seriously? Your bow then."

"I can't use bows."

"What sort of elf can't use a bow? Knives?"

"I'm a craftsman." 

Greg stared blankly.

"That means I..."

"I know what it means," Greg grumbled. "What use is that here. Do something!"

The elf howled loudly. The wolf howled back. Elf howled. Wolf howled. Things started to escalate and those howls got nearer. 

"Stop! You're making it worse." Greg stuck his fingers to his lips and whistled sharply. 

Silence reigned for all of a minute.

"If you could do that why did you..."

"Just shut up."

\- 5 -

By all accounts it was a successful mission. They delivered the package to the town, received their payment, and it was only a matter of spending all his money on some ale so Greg could forget all about the elf and how annoying he'd been. 

Which would be easier if the elf could get the hint and stop following him about. It wasn't like they were partners now. 

Greg strode into the tavern and immediately realised it was a mistake. It was full of humans, all of whom immediately glared at him. He'd have turned and walked right out again if he hadn't known the elf was behind him. 

"Not leaving so soon," one of the men called out. 

"Is our drink not bad enough for you?"

Greg turned and bumped straight into a human. 

"Hey!" the human shoved him. "Watch where you're going."

"Sorry," Greg replied. 

"Were you looking for a fight?" the human pushed him again. 

"No. My sincerest apologies, I did not intend any harm."

"Fancy long words for an orc those."

Greg sighed.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size." The elf growled, glaring fiercely at the human. Beautiful, short, slender Kendriel was not close to being anyone's size. 

"Kendriel, don't..." Greg needn't have worried. The humans just laughed at the elf. It was clear that the orc was the greater threat. 

"Why do you let them treat you that way?" Kendriel asked.

Greg shrugged.

Kendriel waited for an answer.

"Because anything I do isn't me doing things, it's a representation of all orcs."

"That's stupid," Kendriel said.

"They're no better than animals!" One of the humans said.

Without warning, Kendriel struck him and he went down, screaming.

"What the fuck!?" Greg said. 

"What the fuck?!" The humans echoed. The one on the ground kept screamed. A second reached for Greg and he went down too with a swift strike to the neck from the elf. 

"Shut up!" Kendriel yelled at the screaming men sounding remarkably like Greg in intonation. "I didn't even hit you hard. Anyone else want a fight?"

"Fuck. Kendriel. Fuck. Don't go… fuck… what the fuck..." Greg grabbed the elves arm and dragged him out. "What are you doing?"

"Defending your honour. Orcs prize honour above all other things."

"Yeah and elves prize leaves. Fuck honour. Fuck." Greg suddenly remembered. "You're a craftsman?"

"Yes. It means I'm good with my hands." 

"You better be good with your feet too, since we're going to need to outrun them."

"I could fight them all."

"No. Definitely no. The fuck the fuck the fuck," Greg exclaimed. "Let's not start a one elf war."

They ran to the Adventurer's Guild, not that anyone was chasing them, and Greg practically dragged Kendriel to his room. 

"Good with your hands." Greg exclaimed.

"Shut up!" The elf threw himself at Greg, seizing a hard kiss. It was awkward considering the angles and the size difference and the height issues and they ended up on the floor, tearing at clothes, and maybe this strange elf wasn't so bad after all. Kendriel showed the orc exactly how good with his hands… and mouth he was. 

"I'm so glad you used the mating cry." Kendriel smiled atop Greg. "That was fun."

"What?"

"What the fuck. The mating cry."

Greg resisted the urge to smack his head against the wall. "Uh… Sure."


End file.
